Aimless Journey
by SheWolfShaman
Summary: I have been stabbed in the back so many times in my life, and you always wondered why I have trust issues. She wanted to tell him this, she wanted him to know it, but it didn't matter. No one ever cared, so what was the point? How can Terra cope with her past and learn to forgive? How can she cope with her past when even that is stolen away from her? Terra's POV for Aftershock.


**(A/N) Okay, I am obsessed with the whole Terra plot, and I thought I'd do a little something for it. I don't know if I'm going anywhere with this. For now, it's just a one-shot. I have a ton of other stories I'm working on, so this would take a back seat to any of those if I decide to continue it. I have a couple ideas for it, but for now, expect nothing more than what you have right here.**

**So, this is what I think was Terra's point of view for those last moments of Aftershock. Enjoy!**

* * *

_I am falling through darkness, and no one can hear my screams. They wouldn't answer them if they did, anyway. That is the very definition of being alone._

_I am aimless._

_**"Why can't you stay?" a girl once asked me, after I'd saved her and her parents from a mugger.**_

_**"I don't really fit in well," I had replied to the little girl's sad expression. It was always the same question. There were different people, but it was always the same question. And I always gave the same answer.**_

I was always different. No one ever let me stay on for very long. No one cared enough.

_**"So it was all a game? You were just pretending?" he accused.**_

_**My eyes were wide with the situation. "No! You said you'd be my friend no matter what, remember?" I told him, walking towards him and reaching for his shoulder, but he turned away and I pulled my hand back.**_

_**"Slade was right. You don't have any friends," he said, turning his back on me**_.

Those words were sharper than knives, cutting much deeper and leaving scars that were much more permanent.

I was never so sorry for anything in my entire life, but he didn't care. He had turned away from me, revoked me not just as his friend, but casting me out as a human being. When he said those words, I closed down my heart to all that was bright and glorious, and instead let in that darkness that had always tried taking its hold on me. It was easy to let the darkness grow. Slade had left fertile ground, and I had let Beast Boy plant the seed.

That night, I didn't sob. I almost didn't feel anything. Except for the abounding despair that was consuming me. He promised me we'd be friends, no matter what. _He lied to me. I was sorry, but he didn't care. He lied to me. He broke his promise because I made a mistake._ That night, I wished I was dead. That was when I truly began to hate. That was when I began to let my hair fall over and cover my eyes. I didn't want to see that old world ever again.

_**I looked around at all the flattened buildings, all the torn streets, all the flipped cars, all the bodies. I killed all those people.**_

_**"What did you do?!" screamed a woman who had witnessed my powers go out of control.**_

_**"Please, it was an accident!" I begged, backing away from the growing mob. "I didn't mean to do it!"**_

_**But they didn't care. I had caused an earthquake. I had taken lives because of my cursed powers. They drove me out. Just like every other place. I caused devastation everywhere. I didn't deserve to live if all I brought was destruction.**_

"I'm sorry," I whispered to myself. Just to myself. Because there was no one there to hear me. Not anymore.

_**"Who else would have you?" Slade yelled, throwing me across the room. I was too weak to fight back. "You've done terrible things."**_

I hated myself for who I was. No one cared about that, though. Slade never cared. Beast Boy stopped caring. Everyone either stopped caring or never cared at all. I tend to have that effect on people.

_**"I care," he told her. "You know I care about you."**_

_**"I know, Geo-Force," I replied. "But I feel like things just seem to happen to me. I try so hard to make people understand me, even though **_**I**_** don't even understand me."**_

_**"Maybe you should stop trying," he had replied. "You shouldn't try to please anyone in your life. Be who you are, and don't ever let anyone tell you to do otherwise."**_

_**"Who I am is a reckless natural disaster," I told him, looking down. Tears were leaking from my eyes. I hated crying. "Besides, I don't just want to be understood. I want to have friends. I want to be accepted as someone to care about."**_

_**"Like I said, I care about you," he told her. "I'll be your friend."**_

_**"You're my brother. You don't count," I said. "But thanks."**_

I have always felt like screaming, _I'm right here! Why doesn't anyone care enough to look? Why do I always need to prove myself? What's wrong with me?_

_**I was crying. I was hunched over, sobbing my heart out. I was crying away all those horrible memories that could never be washed clean. Never. I had done so much wrong. I had made so many mistakes, and it all started with me wanting to find acceptance, to find someone who cared, truly cared, about me. I had never found anyone like that, though. They always went away, never sticking around. So I cried. I cried and wished for death. I wanted it all to end.**_

_**"Terra?" I heard him say from close by, and when I looked up, there he was. He wasn't angry, but had a look of real concern. I didn't trust it.**_

_**"Destroy me, quick," I told him, begged him.**_

_**"What?" he asked, shocked.**_

_**"C'mon! Isn't that what you came for? Do it, now!" I yelled, before the electrical shocks and waves of pain erupted throughout my body.**_

He hadn't destroyed me, although that's all I wanted in the world at that moment. He had come to kill me, but didn't.

_**"You have to stop me Beast Boy! Please, I don't want to fight anymore!" I begged him as he pinned me down. Slade had control over my powers. He was using me, just like all the others. I just wanted it all to end.**_

_**"Then don't let Slade control you anymore!" he exclaimed.**_

_**"I have no choice."**_

_**"That's a lie! You've always had a choice," he said, before Slade made me throw him off. He just got back up. "It's all been your choice," he said. "You chose to work for Slade, chose to betray us, and now you've chosen to give him control. Slade isn't doing this, Terra! You are!"**_

_**"No!" I screamed.**_

I still didn't trust him. He had taken away my last hopes that night he turned his back on me. _I've been stabbed in the back so many times in my life, and you always wondered why I have trust issues, Beast Boy_.

_**"It's your life, Terra. Your choice. It's never too late to change," he told me, while I held the boulder over him. His life was in my hands now. For once, it really did feel like my choice.**_

_It's your life, Terra. Your choice. It's never too late to change._

He was right, though, and something came to me. I had chosen to give in and let others control my life, and Beast Boy had chosen to revoke me as his friend. We had both chosen to make mistakes. _I forgive you, Beast Boy. And I forgive myself._

Now, here I was. Slade held me in his grasp, but I wouldn't give in. Not again.

"You can't control me anymore!" I yelled, and my powers exploded around me. The stone tower we were on shattered and turned to magma, and below us a volcano began to grow. Slade was gone, and I hunched over on my stone platform. I had never felt so weak, yet so strong.

"Terra's power, it's triggered a volcano!" yelled Robin as I brought my platform slowly down to them.

"Big enough to take out the whole city, and way too big to stop!" added Cyborg.

"We have to get out of here," Raven said as magma exploded close by her.

The others began to file away, but Beast Boy stayed, grasping my shoulders as I finally got the platform down to him. "Terra, c'mon!" he exclaimed. "We gotta go!"

"I have to stay," I told him.

"No."

"I'm the only one who can stop it," I said, looking back at the falling slabs of rock from the cave, feeling the trembling ground, watching the explosions of orange lava.

"Please, Terra! You can't! It's too late," Beast Boy said, his voice begging me for something I couldn't give him.

I cleared the hair from my eyes, letting myself see the real world once again. "It's never too late," I told him, smiling and trying not to see how sad his eyes were. Instead, I leaned into him for a hug, resting my head on his shoulder and letting tears stream out of my eyes. "You were the best friend I ever had," I told him, and truly meant it.

I had finally found the person who cared. I didn't need to prove myself, I just had to forgive myself. I had finally been accepted, and now I was ready to amend my mistakes that should have never been made.

I let go of Beast Boy and disconnected from the stone platform we both stood on, moving his towards the way out. He didn't look away, but kept his gaze on me, still silently begging for me to go with him. The others took him away, though, and then it was just me.

_**You've made mistakes.**_

My body began to glow golden.

_**You killed people, you hurt people.**_

Red lava exploded around me, but none burned me.

_**You were too weak. You let what everyone else did get to you. You let everyone else decide your fate.**_

My hair began to rise on it's ends, and I closed my eyes, letting the power manifest inside me.

_**You are still too weak. You truly are what everyone else thinks you are. You are worthless**_.

_No! I'm not worthless! I am who I am, and no one can ever tell my otherwise! I am not weak! I choose to believe I am strong!_

All I remember was the power reaching its peak, then a long scream erupting from my body. Then, as the darkness closed in on me, I finally felt that sense of peace that I had sought my entire life, but was constantly stolen from me. I finally felt complete, and strong.

* * *

Darkness gradually faded to light, but not very good light. In fact, when I opened my eyes, there was hardly any light at all. Everything was shadowy and dim. I figured it was morning, and my vision was still foggy from sleeping, but I couldn't remember actually falling asleep. I wasn't sure if I'd had any dreams, but I absolutely had no memories of going to bed. In fact, when I looked around, I wasn't in a bed at all. I was on the cold ground, sprawled on a flat expanse of stone. It was a cave of some sort.

"Where am I?" I found myself asking, then shrunk as the words echoed loudly around the stone walls surrounding me.

_What happened? How did I get here?_

I had no memories of the events leading me here. I had no recollection of a cave anywhere in my mind, or a reason for why I should be in one. I dug into my mind, but there were no memories there whatsoever. It wasn't just that I couldn't remember a cave. I couldn't remember anything, not even my own name.

I felt like crying then. I felt like giving in to the fear that held its grip on me, to let it rip through me and not do anything to keep it back, but something made me stop. I wasn't sure what, but there was something keeping me from giving in, a kind of resolve.

I picked myself up off the ground and looked around, trying to find an exit, before my gaze settled on a little stone platform raised up off the ground. On the side of the platform was an engraving.

_Terra. A Teen Titan. A True Friend._

"There should be a statue here," I whispered. "Where's the statue?"

_Strange,_ I thought. _But no more strange than anything else going on at the moment._

I turned back to look around the room, finding a path out of the cave. I began to walk towards it, leaving behind the place with the missing statue. I wondered about what was going on, what was happening, and what had already occurred. My memories were lost, and so was my story.

I was walking aimlessly, with no idea which direction was right for me.

"I am on a journey of epic proportions," I whispered, walking into the blindingly glorious shine of day. A strange sense of confidence and rightness came over me.

I found myself up for the challenge.

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**(A/N) Like I said, I have some ideas for this, but they may never end up happening. I hope you like this, and please leave a review!**


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